


Such A Good Friend

by tehfanglyfish



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Arthur Can Be A Bit Thick, As In Arthur Doesn't Want Vivian's Advances, But Don't Worry - Arthur Escapes, Canon Era, Deviates From Canon, Diary/Journal, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Good Morgana (Merlin), Hints of Gwen/Leon, Hints of Morgana/Vivian, I Hope It Doesn't Show, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Idiots in Love, M/M, Marriage, Marriage Proposal, Masturbation, Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), Mutual Masturbation, POV Arthur, Unwanted Advances, You Say Tropes Like It's A Bad Thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-12-09 09:28:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20992541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tehfanglyfish/pseuds/tehfanglyfish
Summary: Years after they first met, the Lady Vivian is back in Camelot and still very enchanted. The only way for Arthur to escape her unwanted advances is to enter into a fake engagement with Merlin, who proves to be a very good friend by going along with it. The plan seems perfect until Arthur discovers he has developed Feelings... and not for Vivian. Fortunately, Gwen gave him a journal where he can sort things out and make sense of it all.





	Such A Good Friend

**Author's Note:**

> Check out this amazing [fanARTifact replica of Arthur's journal](https://highlynerdy.tumblr.com/post/626822191103770624/such-a-good-friend-by-tehfanglyfish-my-second) created by the incredibly talented highlynerdy and inspired by this fic. I am in awe!!!
> 
> I have been excited about Marry Merthur Month for months now. Thanks to the mods for creating this most-perfect of fests!  
_______________  
Written for the love of Camelot and never for money.

I, Arthur Pendragon, King of Camelot, have decided to begin keeping a journal to record my accomplishments for posterity. It is a burden to take time out of my busy days to write entries, but it is one that I must bear, as wisdom gained from my experiences might prove useful for future rulers of the kingdom.

Actually, Guinevere gave me this journal the day after she rejected my offer of marriage. She told me it would help me “sort some things out” and “stop hiding from the truth.”

I must confess that I am not entirely sure of what she meant. Perhaps she found my proposal to be wanting. I had considered getting Merlin’s assistance planning what to say, but decided against it, figuring that the words should come from the heart. The problem is that I sometimes freeze up when confronted with matters relating to feelings. Perhaps if I am able to adequately record my affection for Guinevere in this book, she will read my words and reconsider.

Let me see… feelings… Guinevere… Guinevere is very beautiful. And kind. And wise. And stands up to me almost as often as Merlin.

Will that win her back? Probably not. Maybe I should ask Merlin.

Honestly, I am still a bit at a loss as to what happened. I always assumed we were destined to be together. After all, a king must have a queen and I’ve known Guinevere for years. It’s true that she’s a servant, but I don’t see why that should be a problem. Some of the people who mean the most to me are servants. Like Guinevere. Or Merlin.

And honestly, it’s not as though I’ve met a princess who was a better match. Nobles adhere to protocol, defer to me out of custom, and focus on building alliances. Strategy is not a good foundation for matrimony.

I postponed marriage far longer than is typical for a king because I knew my father would never consent to Guinevere as my wife. I tried to wait a respectful amount of time after his death before asking for her hand. But now my father is gone and Guinevere has rejected me - I am at a loss as to what to do next.

Merlin hasn’t been all that forthcoming with advice. He’s been strangely quiet since I broke the news to him. I suppose he can’t help but also feel disappointed, as he’d supported and encouraged my pursuit of Guinevere, saying it would bring us both happiness after we lost Lancelot.

I wish Morgana was here. I could really use some sisterly advice. She’d know what I should do and she wouldn’t be afraid to tell me. I hope she’s happy at the monastery she ran off to. The priestesses there are very strange in their habits, but they sheltered her from that conniving Morgause woman and my father. He was furious when he found out about her abilities.

Honestly, I don’t care if Morgana’s dreams magically show her the future. That could be convenient right about now. Maybe she could tell me if Guinevere and I will ever reconcile. Perhaps I should write to her…

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Contacting Morgana was a very bad idea indeed.

First, she wrote back to Guinevere congratulating her on “dodging a crossbow bolt.” Rude!

Much of her message to me was cryptic and too vague to be helpful.

“Surely you can’t be that dense, dear brother. It’s obvious to anyone who knows you well exactly who you are destined to spend your life with.”

If Morgana knows, why won’t she tell me?

The rest of the reply was far too obscene to record in my journal. Suffice it to say, Morgana believes that I need to remove my head from… another part of my anatomy.

Still, Morgana’s letter was more pleasant than the other piece of correspondence that arrived. Apparently King Olaf will be in the area soon and would like to visit Camelot. There is no plausible reason to turn down his request. Merlin and I spent the better part of the afternoon trying to think of one that wouldn’t damage diplomatic relations with him. It’s not my fault that I once tried to fight Olaf to the death – I was under a powerful enchantment. Supposedly it’s water under the bridge, but our encounters are always awkward.

Merlin says that on the upside, Olaf didn’t mention Vivian once in his letter. Perhaps that’s a sign that she won’t be accompanying him.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

To say that this day has been exhausting would be an understatement of epic proportions.

As a word of advice to any future monarchs reading this, people sometimes omit important details from their letters. Such omissions might include the fact that they are bringing their daughter with them for a visit. Said daughter might still be very much under an enchantment that causes her to think she’s in love with someone who was long ago freed from that spell. She might have learned about the object of her desire’s recent failed courtship. That news could make her insufferably obnoxious.

In happier news, King Olaf seems to have forgiven our past troubles. He was nothing but cordial with me and crooned about how well I’ve governed Camelot. I know it shouldn’t matter, but after my own father’s constant criticism, it was nice to receive such praise.

Of course Olaf isn’t the only person who has said that I’m doing a good job. Merlin insists on reminding me at least once per day. He’s such a good friend. There have been a few very bad days where I think I might have given up and run off to become a farmer if Merlin hadn’t been cheering me on. Not that I’m really cut out for the work of farming.

Anyway, having Olaf at court hasn’t been all that unpleasant. His daughter on the other hand…

I thought Guinevere did an excellent job of showing self-restraint and not committing murder. It’s possible that Vivian made a few untoward comments at dinner. If I recall correctly, her exact words were “gold-digging, ladder-climbing harpy.”

Those words couldn’t remain unchallenged, which meant that I had to step in to defend Guinevere’s honor.

“We came to a mutual decision that it was for the best to end our courtship.”

Yes, I know. That wasn’t entirely true. To anyone reading this in the future looking for pieces of wisdom, there are occasions where lying to protect your friend is acceptable.

“And I alone shoulder the blame for our parting. Guinevere deserved far more affection than I gave her.”

I cannot entirely say why I chose to say that. I suppose I wanted Guinevere to understand that I recognize my faults when it comes to matters of the heart. If Vivian had left well enough alone, that might have been the beginning of our reconciliation.

“So the serving girl didn’t have your heart. Perhaps it belongs to another?”

Vivian was looking at me with large, eager eyes. I wanted it to be clear that she was not, under any circumstances, the object of my affection.

“Perhaps it does.”

I bungled that one. It was only after the words left my mouth that I realized how they might sound. The smile Vivian gave me was terrifying. One might even describe it as predatory. If I’m entirely honest, it looked as though she wanted to eat me.

The realization of what I’d just implied caused me to halfway fall out of my chair. Fortunately, Merlin was there to catch me. He called me a dollophead under his breath and helped me right myself.

He’s such a good friend, always there when I need him. And his eyes are the loveliest shade of blue. I couldn’t help but smile at him.

Strangely, when I turned back to Vivian, her face had soured, and she refused to speak to me for the rest of the night. I’m not sure what happened but I see no need to question such a fortuitous turn of events. Maybe whatever it is will keep her silent tomorrow as well.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Most of today was spent training. That wasn’t my plan for the day, but the Lady Vivian had forgotten whatever I’d done last night to cause offense. She had been following me all around the castle and the training ground was the only place I could put distance between us. It helped that Gwaine was inclined to tell stories about the eccentric people he had met in taverns over the years. I was about to call him down for some of the more graphic details involving two barmaids and a parsnip when he gave me a wink. Vivian’s face had gone red and she was storming back toward the castle.

Gwaine is like a brother to me. Sometimes he fights with me in the melee. Sometimes he saves me from wyverns. And sometimes he chases off the most frightening monsters of all.

A curious thing happened after training finally ended. The rest of the knights had left the armory when Leon took me aside.

“Last night at dinner, when you said your heart belonged to another, did you mean it?”

Some kings might find this kind of questioning inappropriate, but Leon is also like a brother to me.

“It doesn’t belong to Lady Vivian, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

“I figured that much. I was wondering more about Gwen.”

“I think I’ve been confusing friendship and romantic love. Not that the two aren’t connected. But sometimes, when you’re close to someone, when you spend years around them and you come to rely on them for support and counsel, it can be hard to tell where the one ends and the other begins.”

I hadn’t meant to say so much on the matter but the words just spilled out. I suppose that this journal is causing me to become more introspective. And to get better at expressing myself.

In all the time I’ve known him, I can’t recall ever seeing Leon beam at me like that.

“I’m pleased that you worked it out,” he said, clapping me on the back. “It takes courage to confront one’s feelings, especially when it comes to love. I’m learning that lesson myself. And let me be the first to say, congratulations. I’m pleased for the two of you.”

I had no idea what Leon was on about. Perhaps he admired how Guinevere and I maintained our friendship despite the breakup? I wasn’t sure, but I’ve been accused of being thick one too many times, so I decided the best course of action was to smile and nod.

“Does that mean Gwen is now free to follow her heart?”

“Of course. I have no claim to it.”

After that, Leon seemed to be in a hurry to take his leave of me. Suddenly I felt very lonely. I think that’s when the finality Guinevere’s rejection fully hit me. I’m not old by any means, but I’m no longer a dashing young prince, either; I might never find someone to spend my life with.

I was still brooding in the armory when Merlin found me.

“There you are! I was wondering where you’d gotten off to. Come on. Let’s get you a bath and you can tell me all about whatever has given you such a long face. I’ll have Gaius inform Olaf and Vivian that you pulled a muscle at practice and won’t be able to make it to dinner.”

It was a lie if I’d ever heard one, but I wasn’t going to complain. And even though I had most definitely _not_ pulled a muscle, Merlin put an arm around me so I could lean on him as we walked to my chambers. That was a nice touch to make my alibi believable. He’s an amazing friend. And his hair smells nice.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

The Lady Vivian came to see me as I was eating breakfast this morning. She was overly friendly with me but kept glaring at Merlin. I don’t understand why. He was nothing but courteous to her.

She asked about my injury and I told her that the night’s rest had done wonders and that I was almost better. I thought it might arouse suspicion if I said I was completely healed.

“Still,” she said, “you should have someone take care of you until you fully recover. I can stay with you today. Let me help you to bed.”

At that point I thought something bad had happened to her eye because of how she kept closing it. It turns out that she was winking. As I’d been trying to figure it out, she adjusted her dress in a way that was more revealing than the styles common in Camelot. I got the impression that she might have a motive beyond sharing fashion trends.

“I appreciate your generous offer, my lady, but Merlin will take care of me.”

“Perhaps he can tend to your injury, but I imagine that a mighty king such as yourself surely has certain _needs_ that Merlin can’t meet.”

She started doing the wink again and I really wanted her to leave.

“No, Merlin does a good job of seeing to all of my needs. He’s quite skilled and I’m very satisfied with his performance.”

At that moment, Merlin proved to be his usual clumsy self, dropping a serving tray. As it clattered on the floor, Vivian stopped her winking.

“I see,” she said after a moment, her tone clipped. “I’ll just excuse myself then. But know that infatuation between a servant and king can’t last. Not like a marriage to a princess can.”

She hurried out of my chambers, slamming the door behind her.

“What was she on about?” I asked Merlin. “She knows that I am no longer pursuing Guinevere.”

Merlin said nothing and focused a little too intently on cleaning up the tray he had dropped.

It’s been hours, and I am still not sure what I did to make her so angry. To make matters worse, Merlin wouldn’t meet my gaze for the rest of the day. I know that knights shouldn’t speak ill of ladies, but I’ll be glad when Vivian has left Camelot.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

It’s been two days. Not only are Vivian and Olaf still here, but everyone seems to be acting stranger the longer they stay.

This morning, for instance, Guinevere pulled me into the antechamber near the throne room. At first I thought she had changed her mind about our separation but she only wanted to warn me off of Vivian.

“Arthur, I’m saying this as a friend. That woman is after you and I don’t think she’s going to give up easily.”

“Is that your way of saying you miss me?”

Guinevere did not slap me, though I got the definite impression she was considering it.

“If you don’t want to take this seriously, I can’t make you. I know it’s not my place to be in your private affairs, but Arthur, she’s meddling when things were finally starting to work out between you and…”

I wanted to ask her who it was that things were working out with when Leon walked in. They shared a look that told me exactly why Leon had been asking cryptic questions in the armory the other day.

I’m happy for them. I know people sometimes say that after a breakup, but in this case, I really am.

The thing is, not much has changed between Guinevere and me. We still see each other everyday. She fills me on castle gossip and we laugh at all the ridiculous things that Merlin does. Honestly, she’s been more at ease around me now after I stopped courting her. I think we were destined for friendship.

And the way Leon looks at her… it’s a level of devotion I’ve rarely witnessed. The only time I’ve seen anything like it is when Merlin sometimes stares at me when he thinks I’m not looking. Though his gaze comes from a place of admiration because I’m an impressive king. Obviously.

Anyway, I thought that might be the only strange encounter of the day but I was wrong.

After Guinevere and Leon left, presumably to talk about an urgent laundry matter, Olaf cornered me.

“Arthur, I appreciate your hospitality. I know our visit was rather sudden and perhaps at an uncomfortable time, but I appreciate the effort you’ve made to make us feel welcome. I am honored to call you an ally. Once I wanted to kill you over your pursuit of Vivian, but now… let’s just say that I would be proud to call you my son.”

He gave me the same exaggerated wink that Vivian had tried the other morning. Perhaps it’s a family trait.

And then there was dinner. Vivian insisted on dining with me alone in my chambers. For the sake of diplomacy, I tried my best to be polite though it proved challenging due to her behavior.

To begin with, she kept scooting her chair closer until our knees bumped. She placed her hand on top of mine, which made it very difficult to eat. I tried to shake her off but she held on tighter. Then she leaned in, resting her, um, bosoms, against my arm. The whole time this was happening, she was talking, but I have no idea what she said because I was trying to get Merlin’s attention. Something had made him sad but once again he refused to look at me.

I was so preoccupied with Merlin that I didn’t realize Vivian had moved on to trying to kiss me. She almost caught me by surprise when the strangest thing happened. Her chair came apart. It’s true that furniture breaks from time to time, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen all the nails come out of a chair at once. It was very odd. As Vivian fell to the floor, she pulled the entire bottle of wine down with her, soaking her dress.

I called for a guard to walk her to her chambers where she could recover. I know that I likely broke the knights’ code by not escorting her myself, but I feared that she might ask for my assistance with changing clothes.

As I walked her to my door to meet the guard, I could’ve sworn I saw Merlin smirk.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

I have done a thing. A bad thing. A very bad thing.

There was an incident today with Vivian, I panicked, and now I’m engaged. Engaged to be married. Not to Vivian. I want to be very clear on that point.

I am now betrothed to…

Let me start from the beginning.

Things with Vivian escalated after the night of the awful dinner. I now know what it feels like for the animals I stalk when I go hunting, because I’m pretty sure Vivian started viewing me as prey.

Everywhere I went, there she was. In the corridor outside my chambers, on the training ground, even in the mustier sections of the library, she always managed to find me.

And she kept trying to touch me. A hand on my arm, “accidentally” bumping into me, a pinch I’d rather not discuss.

It was all getting to be a bit too much.

I asked Gaius for help.

“There’s nothing I can do to break the enchantment, sire. Only a kiss from her true love will free her from it.”

“But Guinevere broke my enchantment and it turned out that she was my true friend rather than my true love.”

“That is perplexing, sire,” Gaius began. “From what I understand of the enchantment, only the kiss from one’s soulmate would be able to…”

Whatever Gaius was about to say got interrupted by Merlin knocking over several vials of remedies. He’s been so clumsy lately. Maybe he needs a day off.

Gaius scowled, then shooed us out of his workroom. I’m not sure why I had to leave since Merlin was the one who made a mess. I decided the safest course of action would be to retreat to my chambers. As Merlin and I hurried up the stairs, we heard Vivian and Olaf calling to us from below.

“Pretend you can’t hear them,” I whispered, “and walk faster.”

“My love! Wait for me. There’s something I need to ask you. My father has given us his blessing.”

Sometimes a knight knows when he is in grave danger. I contemplated running. It would look bad, but it might be the only way to escape because they were gaining on us.

“My daughter is a fine young woman,” Olaf’s voice rang out in the stairwell. “She comes with a dowry of an entire kingdom.”

How could an old man and a woman in high heels climb stairs so quickly?

Time was running out. They were going to catch us and it was pretty clear what Vivian was going to ask me. I knew from past experience that Olaf had a short temper where his daughter was concerned. The last thing Camelot needed was a war… so how to turn down Vivian’s impending proposal without causing a diplomatic disaster?

The urgency of the moment, the impending doom… under that much pressure, my mind could only devise one way to escape.

I stopped climbing the stairs and turned to Merlin.

“Give me your hand.”

“What?! Why did you stop? We need to…”

“Don’t ask questions and follow my lead,” I told him as I pulled my mother’s ring off my finger and shoved it on to his.

“King Olaf, Lady Vivian,” I said as they reached us, “I had planned on making a formal proclamation later today, but since you are Camelot’s honored guests, you’ll be the first to hear the good news.”

I paused to give Merlin a look that I hoped communicated the gravity of the situation.

“I am now engaged,” I said. They looked stunned so I had to explain. “To be married.”

“But that awful serving woman has been carousing with your head knight.”

“Yes, Lady Vivian, it’s true that Guinevere and Sir Leon are becoming… good friends. However, there’s no need to be concerned about them as I’m not promised to Guinevere. Instead, I’m…”

I took the deepest of breaths and squeezed Merlin’s hand.

“I’m marrying Merlin.”

To say that Lady Vivian took the news well would be a lie. I’ll spare any future readers the language she used. Let’s just say that Morgana could learn a thing or two from Vivian regarding the use of colorful metaphors.

Olaf seemed to be wavering between accepting what I’d said and challenging it. His eyes kept darting from my face, and then to Merlin’s, and then to our clasped hands. 

“So you love this man?” Olaf finally asked.

“With all my heart.”

Strangely, the words just came to me. I was always so reserved with expressing affection for Guinevere. Perhaps I found it easier now because this relationship wasn’t real.

“If the connection between the two of you is as strong as I suspect it is, then I imagine the wedding will take place soon.”

Olaf doesn’t need to know that my hastily concocted plan is to keep up the charade of the engagement for the duration of their visit, then call things off after they leave. We can have a very public and overly dramatic end to it. Maybe it will give the knights a good laugh.

“We weren’t planning on a long courtship.” It wasn’t a lie.

“Then why not hold the wedding while Vivian and I are still visiting? We would love to attend. It would be a great honor to see you enter into a legally binding arrangement to cement your very real and not-at-all fabricated love for one another. Unless you’re forgoing a public wedding because you’re only using this man to…”

Olaf was questioning the sincerity of my affection for Merlin! I couldn’t have that. Some people assume that he’s just a servant, and not a very good one. I had to defend his honor. What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t?

“Consider yourselves the first invited. Now if you’ll excuse us, we have a wedding to plan. It’s going to be the talk of all the five kingdoms. And very public.”

Merlin did a good job of keeping his mouth shut until we made it back to my chambers.

“Arthur, how could you?”

“If I rejected Vivian, it likely would have meant war.”

“I know, but they think you… that we…”

Did you know that Merlin is extremely adorable when he blushes? I hadn’t considered it before, but it’s true.

He was so flustered that he couldn’t finish his sentence and he kept fidgeting with the ring. The fit was a little loose on his finger.

“Don’t worry. I won’t lose it.”

“I’m sure you’ll take good care of it, but we can get it adjusted so it won’t slip off.”

That made him smile for a moment. Then he remembered our predicament.

“What are we going to do?”

“I’m not sure. Go fetch Gaius and Guinevere. And maybe Leon and Gwaine. Oh, and we probably need Geoffrey. This is going to require considerable thought.”

I am writing this as I wait for everyone to arrive. I do not know how to get out of the mess I’ve made.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

It’s almost dawn and I finally have my chambers back to myself.

Gaius and Leon were, as expected, exasperated with me. Gwaine found the whole thing to be hilarious.

“Finally! Camelot’s princess has found a king.”

“Shut up, Gwaine,” the room said in unison.

Gaius and Leon began strategizing while Gwaine took Merlin aside. I couldn’t make out what they were saying, but Gwaine’s tone sounded serious and he placed a protective hand on Merlin’s shoulder. They were friends. There was no reason for me to feel jealous, and yet I didn’t like it. I decided to investigate.

“And you’re sure you’re ok?” Gwaine asked.

Merlin said nothing but nodded. His eyes looked sad.

“Because if he hurts you…”

“Someone hurt Merlin?”

“Well, princess, that remains to be seen.”

“Was it Olaf? Because I can banish him if…”

“Everything is fine,” Merlin tried to reassure us. “Come on. I think Gaius has something to tell us.”

“Sire, I think the best solution to this problem is for me to manufacture an illness… I could give you a potion to create reversible symptoms. You would appear gravely ill for as long as necessary and break off the engagement because of your health. If I say that the disease is contagious, that might deter Olaf from pushing Vivian toward you and…”

“I don’t like it,” Merlin cut in. “It will make Arthur appear weak and Olaf or Cenred or someone else might choose to invade.”

“Merlin has a point,” Leon said. “It would cause some strategic problems.”

“Then what do we do?” I asked.

The room fell silent.

“I could manufacture the illness for Merlin instead. Though I don’t know how that would deter Vivian.”

“Could we blame it on another enchantment?” Leon asked. “Or maybe…”

“Maybe this whole thing is ridiculous,” Guinevere cut in. “Maybe, Arthur, you should reread Morgana’s letter. Pay close attention to her directions about extracting your head from your…”

“Gwen,” Merlin began, “not right now.”

“Fine. Figure it out yourselves. If you’re too stupid to see what’s right in front of you, there’s nothing I can do to help.”

She stormed out, Leon trailing after her.

“I think,” Gwaine said, “Gwen was trying to say that maybe you should maintain your engagement for the time being and see what happens. True love is hard to find, but once you do…”

“That’s it! You’re a genius, Gwaine. We just need to track down Vivian’s true love, get him to kiss her, and we’ll break the enchantment. Then she’ll stop her pursuit of me, and I can publicly break things off with Merlin.”

Gwaine opened his mouth as if to say something, then shook his head.

“Gwen’s right. You really are hopeless.”

I decided to ignore that last comment and instead tasked him with heading up the search for Vivian’s true love.

“Can two men be engaged? Legally, I mean?”

I figured since Geoffrey was still in the room, I might as well find out.

“There are no laws in Camelot barring such an engagement or even a marriage. The practice is not very common amongst royalty, primarily because of the focus on producing an heir to the throne, but there have been instances over the centuries.”

“Well, I guess that settles it. We’ll keep the charade going until we track down Vivian’s true love. You’ll have to hurry, Gwaine. I think Olaf expects a wedding within the next week.”

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

It seems that each time I begin one of these entries, I start off by announcing how strange the day went. The problem is that what seems strange one day will be commonplace by the next. I fear Camelot, or at the very least its king, has entered a period of exponential increase in strange happenings.

And yet things aren’t necessarily bad. Quite the opposite in some respects.

Yes, I am still officially engaged to my manservant, which I suppose is a bit out of the ordinary.

But Vivian has kept her distance, at her father’s direction I imagine, and it’s been a welcome development. I still can’t tell if he believes that my affection for Merlin is genuine, though I have been trying my best to convince him. And that means that my days are spent, largely uninterrupted, in Merlin’s company.

Things started great yesterday morning. Merlin brought woke me up with breakfast, and we ate together. Vivian didn’t invite herself and we were able to banter like we used to before I got us into this mess.

There was some brief tension when we passed Olaf in a corridor. He was polite enough but did question why my fiancé was carrying out the duties of a servant.

“I saw him with a tray earlier. I can’t believe that you would burden your one true love with such mundane tasks, Arthur. Perhaps it’s for the best that Vivian is no longer pursuing you.”

“Respectfully, sire,” Merlin cut in before I could say anything, “for years now, I have been the one tending to Arthur and I am not about to give that up now simply because of a change in our relationship. I suppose many will view me as nothing more than a servant fulfilling an obligation, but from my perspective, I am taking care of the person I love the most.”

Olaf looked surprised, but smiled.

“I’m very happy for you both,” he said, letting us pass.

I know it was simply to maintain the ruse, but I couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that Merlin had said I was the one he loved. In all the time I pursued Guinevere, she never said she loved me, not like that.

Before it’s all over, I kind of hope he says it again. It’s good for friends to express fondness for one another.

The encounter with Olaf left me thinking. For the engagement to appear real, we would need to engage in some displays of affection. We wouldn’t have to overdo it – as king I am expected to maintain a degree of restraint and decorum. I figured that small gestures would be sufficient.

Hand holding seemed like a good way to begin.

As we continued down the corridor and away from Olaf, I let my hand bump against Merlin’s. When he didn’t pull back, I intertwined my fingers with his. If my stomach decided to suddenly to fill with butterflies, well, it must have been a coincidence. Still, I held on. Merlin’s skin was warm and his hand fit perfectly in mine. He kept walking but gave me a questioning glance.

“We don’t have to, if it bothers you.”

I really should have asked beforehand. There’s a lot to learn when you’re in a fake engagement.

“No, it’s alright. This will make it easier to keep you out of trouble.”

One day I must start a new journal to catalog all of Merlin’s smiles. Maybe the first entry could be on the shy one he gave me before holding my hand tighter. It’s perplexing how such a small expression could brighten my mood. And cause my stomach to do cartwheels.

Though I hadn’t explained my plan to him, Merlin seemed to understand what I was up to, as he found times throughout the day to touch me – a lingering hand on my shoulder during the council meeting, a warm pressure against the small of my back as we walked to the armory, fingers softly ruffling my hair as I ate dinner.

Actually, that last example was a little perplexing because at that point we were alone in my chambers. Merlin probably wanted to be prepared in case anyone walked in on us.

In the process, I discovered that I am completely weak for Merlin gently caressing my scalp. If he had kept it up any longer, I would have melted in my chair. I suppose I shouldn’t write this down for fear of national security being compromised, but I’m pretty sure he could get just about anything he wanted out of me if he played with my hair long enough. Especially if I was lying down with my head in his lap while he did it.

It’s strange – Guinevere once tried that with me. She was lovely but it wasn’t the same.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

People outside the citadel have noticed Merlin wearing my ring.

We went walking through the Lower Town this morning because Gaius needed supplies from some of the merchants and Merlin had to go fetch them. Normally I wouldn’t accompany him on such an errand but I wanted to stay near him. Vivian might still try to corner me.

Anyway, we went from stall to stall, Merlin acquiring the ingredients on Gaius’s list. As he reached for packages of dried herbs or handed over coins, the sellers in the marketplace kept looking at the metal band on his finger. Their eyes wandered from his hand to the pair of us together, resulting in lots of smiles, many well wishes, and one older woman even pulled us both into a bone-crushing hug.

“I told you he felt the same way,” she said.

What she was referring to, I wasn’t sure, but I couldn’t really ask because she was squeezing us so tightly that I couldn’t breathe.

Items acquired, I thought we’d head back immediately, but Merlin wasn’t ready to leave.

“I have a few more stops,” he said. “If you need to go, I can meet you later.”

“Lead on,” I said, gripping his hand.

We meandered through the crowded streets, visiting a few more stalls and shops, as well as a couple of private homes. Merlin didn’t buy anything, but instead stopped to check in on people, asking about ailments Gaius had recently treated, relatives living in the countryside, or even how one young girl was progressing in her apprenticeship as a seamstress.

Everyone he talked to seemed to love Merlin. Which makes sense – he is quite endearing.

I felt proud knowing that they were seeing my ring on his finger, even if we will have to call things off eventually. Obviously I’m not actually going to marry him, but it would be wise for a king to choose a consort who has such a strong connection with the people.

I need to find out when Gaius will want more supplies. This day was one of the most enjoyable I’ve had in years.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

This morning I woke up to Gwaine’s face instead of Merlin’s. He reports that the search for Vivian’s true love is going nowhere. I’ve sent him and Percival to Morgana’s monastery to bring her back to Camelot. The cover story is that I want her at the wedding, but I’m hoping she’ll be able to sort this mess.

If nothing else, maybe Morgana will be able to free Vivian from the enchantment. I know my father wouldn’t approve of the use of magic, but he’s not here. And honestly, with all of the magical threats I’ve encountered over the years, it might be good to have a sorcerer on my side.

I’ll ask Merlin about it when he arrives with breakfast.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

<strike>So. I might have… Today was… It’s possible that…</strike>

IkissedMerlin.

I did. I kissed him. On the mouth. More than once. Three times if we’re counting. For complete accuracy, I kissed him once and then he kissed me twice.

I want to say that I did it because it was necessary to allay Vivian and Olaf’s suspicions. And I suppose it did help in that regard.

Vivian had been trailing us for much of the day. She had one of her maids with her and was whispering her thoughts on Merlin’s appearance in comparison to her own. While I would never try to intentionally overhear the private conversations of ladies, it was impossible to miss Vivian’s remarks because she whispered them so loudly. One might almost assume she wanted to be heard. And the things she said… let’s just call her commentary impolite and leave it at that.

“Just ignore her,” I whispered. We were walking across the courtyard and I really didn’t want to Vivian to make a scene in front of the masses.

Merlin nodded and kept holding my hand but I could tell he was growing uncomfortable because his palm got a little clammy.

“And he’s so skinny. Honestly, I’ve seen half-starved chickens with more meat on them. He must have enchanted the king because there’s no way that a virile man like Arthur could possibly desire him.”

If Vivian had been insulting me, I could easily have borne her abuse. But it was Merlin she was talking about. Who was she to think she could get away with saying things like that? Besides, if I let her words go unchecked, Merlin might believe that I agreed with Vivian’s assessment of him. Over the years, I’ve felt unsure about my own appearance, especially with regard to my weight. Something had to be done.

A shouting match between a king and a visiting princess in a public square would be bad for diplomacy. I went with the only reasonable option available to me.

I stopped walking. We were standing in the middle of the courtyard. I let my free hand cup Merlin’s chin. I needed to look him in the eye so he wouldn’t doubt the sincerity of my words.

“Merlin, you are far more beautiful than any person has a right to be,” I proclaimed. I had to say this loudly to ensure Vivian heard me as well.

Now that I look back on it, I suppose I could have left it at that, but I really wanted to drive the point home – to ease Merlin’s insecurities and let Vivian know that such behavior wouldn’t be tolerated.

What else could I do but press my lips against Merlin’s? I could hear his breathing catch and his eyes went wide, but he didn’t pull away. I’m pretty sure the entire courtyard heard my heart pounding.

It only lasted for a second or two and then Vivian had to make herself the center of attention again by swooning. How dramatic.

Her fainting spell meant that I couldn’t talk to Merlin about what had happened because we had to get her to her chambers. Gaius wanted Merlin to assist him as he examined her, but Vivian threw a fit and said she never wanted to see Merlin again. When Gaius sent him off to retrieve a calming draught, I decided to make myself scarce since Vivian was in such a volatile mood.

Finally, Merlin was free and he tracked me down to the ramparts where I’d been pacing. It was a relief to see him because the reality of what I had done had caught up with me. It’s one thing to hold someone’s hand without warning, but quite another to kiss them in public. I feared I might have finally crossed a line with Merlin that would push him away.

He stood beside me. We were gazing out at the Lower Town below as the sun began to set. I was searching for the words to beg his forgiveness when he spoke first.

“What you did earlier, in the courtyard…”

I tried to brace myself for what came next. I had no right to expect him to forgive me.

“We might need to practice. To make it convincing… for next time.”

I was supposed to tell Merlin that there was no need, that I wouldn’t ask something like that of him again.

“That’s a good idea, actually,” I heard myself say. “We could right now. If you want.”

He took a deep breath and licked his lips, then leaned in and kissed me. The second one lasted longer than the first, as there was no distraction from Vivian. If the truth of the matter is told, it wouldn’t have mattered if Vivian had caused a scene that could be heard throughout the five kingdoms because all I could think about was Merlin’s mouth on mine.

He had parted his lips, an act of great personal sacrifice, to give the impression of passion. It would have been wrong for me to hold back and impede his efforts, so I did the same. When I felt his tongue touch mine… let’s just say that my legs began to tremble and he had to wrap his arms around me to keep me steady.

I think the kiss may have clouded my perceptions of reality, because it looked like Merlin’s eyes were glowing. Which couldn’t really have happened. The only people whose eyes actually glow are sorcerers.

After a while, we attracted the attention of the people below, leading to a loud whistle and some rather raucous observations from patrons leaving the Rising Sun. We must have appeared convincing, but the commentary made Merlin self-conscious and he pulled back.

There was only a faint glow left from the setting sun, but I could see the pink on his cheeks. Even though the evening was cooling off, I suddenly felt very warm.

The rest of the night proceeded like normal. I was relieved that Olaf graciously declined my dinner invitation. He wanted to stay with Vivian as she recovered from her faint, so Merlin and I ate together in my chambers.

I watched him stack our used plates on the tray to return them to the kitchens. He looked so tired, it didn’t seem right for him to have to walk all the way there and then back to his room with Gaius.

“Leave those. I’ll take them.”

“You? You’ll take dirty dishes back to the kitchens?”

“I’m fighting fit, Merlin. I think I can handle a tray.”

The look on his face suggested that he might have a different view of my abilities but he said nothing.

“Anyway,” I continued, “you’re dead on your feet. You’ve spent the day chasing after me and running errands for Gaius. You need to get some rest, not haul dishes all around Camelot.”

He considered this for a moment.

“Please, Merlin. For me.”

That seemed to work because he nodded.

“At least let me send George. It wouldn’t look right for the king to be carrying a serving tray while Olaf is visiting.”

“Fine. Now get to your room. I’m sure tomorrow will be another adventure.”

I stood to walk to him to the door. Right as he was about to open it, he turned and gently kissed me. It was only the two of us, no audience to convince, but I guess he wanted more practice.

“Thank you, Arthur. Sleep well.”

And with that he left.

George must have come and gone because the tray disappeared, but I don’t remember seeing him. I was caught up thinking about how warm Merlin’s lips had been against my own. And of how nice it was to get a goodnight kiss. If I could have that every night… Not with Merlin. Obviously. He is a devoted friend, but that really would be asking far too much of him. Even if he is the best kisser in the five kingdoms.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Since I gave Merlin my mother’s ring, I’ve caught him fidgeting with it several times. Such as today in the middle of a council meeting. It left me distracted, I missed a question from one of my councilors, and Gaius raised his eyebrow at me that indicated he knew exactly what I’d been thinking about. I swear the man can read minds.

Merlin doesn’t know I’ve been watching him with the ring. He has this tendency to hold his hand out so he can look at it and then he twists it around his finger. Years ago I had it enlarged to better fit me. I hope the metal is strong enough to be sized down a little so that it won’t fall off his finger. I know I could always give him another ring, but he seems quite taken with that one.

Even after the situation with Vivian has been resolved, I think I want him to keep it. There’s no reason that a king can’t give his servant a ring. It will be a token of our friendship.

I hope he keeps wearing it so that everyone can see what good friends we are.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

There are certain things, private things, that a king should keep to himself, so I will not go into detail. Suffice it to say, I might have thought of Merlin. While I was… pleasuring myself. (I cannot believe I just wrote that. I really must burn this book.)

Honestly, I couldn’t help it.

I was lying in bed, trying to fall asleep, and I kept tossing and turning. No amount of clearing my mind, or deep breathing, or counting sheep was working. Gaius would gladly have given me a sleeping draught, but I try to avoid those. They make it hard to think the next day and I really need my wits sharp while Olaf and Vivian are here.

Since this journal is meant to private, I suppose I am allowed to confess that I have, over the years, developed the tendency to sometimes touch myself on nights when I cannot sleep. The release of tension usually helps and I can drift right off.

As for what I usually think about, well, it’s difficult to say. Which sounds as though I am trying to hide my thoughts, but in all honesty, I have struggled in this area. Since adolescence, I have tried to imagine women. That is what is expected, after all, especially of a prince. It always felt uncomfortable to think about women that I knew so I tried to conjure up images of random women. This left far more to the imagination than I care to admit, as I am not very familiar with the specifics of the unclad female form.

(The male form is another matter entirely and has been known to creep into my dreams on numerous occasions. Again, I really must burn this book.)

After I began courting Guinevere, I did once try to imagine what it might be like if we were to one day consummate our relationship. That lasted not even one half of a minute – I felt so embarrassed that I couldn’t look her in the eye for almost a week after the fact. Perhaps that should have been a sign that we weren’t destined to be.

If the absolute truth is told, normally I just focus on the sensation. Fantasies are more trouble than they’re worth.

Anyway, last night I was frustrated that I couldn't sleep, so I began to touch myself and all I could think about was Merlin. It wasn’t intentional. But with all of the contact we’ve had recently… I couldn’t stop.

I kept remembering his hands. I’ve held them so much over the past few days, that I’m now very familiar with how they feel. His left hand in particular has been on my mind thanks to the ring he’s wearing. As I was lying in bed, hand wrapped around my cock, I couldn’t help but think of what it would look like, what it might feel like, if his left hand replaced my own.

That thought almost caused immediate release, so I took a moment to calm down and get the images of his hands out of my mind. It worked, but only because they were replaced with memories of his lips.

Merlin and I have now kissed exactly 7 times and I remember each one perfectly. I know that they mean nothing, and yet the effect that they have on me is somewhat embarrassing. Seriously. Merlin may not be a sorcerer, but his kisses are their own form of magic and they undo every single time… the world just fades and all I can think about is Merlin.

So I moved on from thinking about Merlin’s hands and instead focused on his kisses. We’ve always been standing when we kiss. I wondered what it would be like if he was in my bed, lying underneath me. I could feel his whole body against mine and there would be no prying eyes to make him hold back.

And then my mind took a dangerous turn – I imagined what it would be like if I was underneath Merlin. A king is always supposed to exude power and authority, but that gets exhausting. What if Merlin took charge? Rolled me on my back and claimed my mouth before letting his lips trail down my neck, and then my chest and then… lower.

His lips are so full. The thought of them wrapped around me, taking me in, while his hands, with those beautiful fingers, hold me down and…

I think I will finish this entry later. There is a matter of urgent royal business that needs tending to.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

I love Merlin. Not just as a friend (though he is the dearest friend I will ever have).

I am in love with Merlin. The way that I thought I would one day fall in love with Guinevere.

This journal is the one place where I don’t have to hide anything, where I can be completely honest. I know I’ll never be able tell him – it would ruin our friendship. But I want there to be a record somewhere that I’ve fallen in love with him. It will be my deepest secret but at least I’ve acknowledged it.

Oh gods, I am in so much trouble.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Morgana’s back and she knows. I don’t know how she knows because she couldn’t have been in my chambers to find this journal. She just rode up with a smirk on her face, though that might also have had something to do with the fact that I had to disentangle my hand from Merlin’s to properly hug her.

“It’s good to see you, brother. I’m glad you finally figured things out. When’s the wedding?”

As soon as we were in a more private setting, I begged her to help me.

“Surely after all of your training with the high priestesses at that monastery, you can do something to help me.”

“As it turns out, I can.”

“You can break Vivian’s enchantment without a kiss from her true love?”

“No, Arthur. That’s far beyond my abilities.”

“Then what can you do?”

“Officiate at the ceremony.”

On further reflection, maybe I should banish Morgana – for reasons that have nothing to do with magic.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

I am to be married in the morning. To Merlin, my best friend, who has no idea that I am secretly in love with him. If I go through with it, I’m trapping him in a union to someone he doesn’t love.

If I do what’s right by Merlin, I will plunge Camelot into war with Olaf’s forces. His army is strong and while I think we could prevail, the cost in terms of lost lives and suffering would be immense. It’s only right for a king to sacrifice himself for his realm, but to ask Merlin to do the same…

I don’t know what to do. Leon and Gaius just sigh at me when I try to talk to them. Morgana, Guinevere, and Gwaine all seem to know my heart and believe that Merlin feels the same for me. How they could come to such a conclusion is beyond me, as I am a ridiculous excuse for a king.

As for Merlin, he took me aside today because he knew I was worried.

“I know that there are a lot of reasons you wouldn’t want to go through with the ceremony tomorrow. I’m not a noble, I’m a man, I don’t have your heart. But I understand that you want to avoid war with Olaf. You’re under so much pressure and if it makes your life a little bit better, your load a little easier to bear, I will gladly marry you.”

He had both of my hands in his own as he said this and his face was so warm and earnest… he’s always supporting me. I need to do more for him.

Anyway, I managed not to cry and instead offered him thanks and told him that while I hoped we could sort things, his words meant more to me than he could know.

I almost got the impression that he was also holding back tears. Clearly we’re both under considerable strain at the moment.

But now I must stop writing. It’s time to attend tonight’s celebratory feast.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Merlin has magic. And apparently kept it hidden for years because I had no idea. I… I need some time to process that.

In unrelated news, Morgana has found her true love and it’s the Lady Vivian. That also is going to require some time for processing.

Maybe it would be best to go over what happened this evening at the feast. Though I am no historian, I can say with certainty that tonight’s festivities will go down in Camelot’s chronicles as one of the more interesting events the kingdom has ever witnessed.

Everything started normally, or at least what passes for normal these days. Merlin and I did have a minor argument on the way to the feast because I refused to allow him to serve me.

“You’re one of the guests of honor.”

“Yes, but I’m meant to be taking care of you.”

“Then hold my hand under the table. Tonight’s seating arrangements leave Morgana as the only person separating me from Vivian.”

That seemed to win the argument in my favor because he gave up his insistence that he serve and instead made it a point to place our clasped hands on the table for all to see.

Morgana was insufferable as always, but she seemed distracted by Vivian.

“I had forgotten how beautiful she is,” Morgana whispered to me.

I shrugged and said nothing.

“And she has such a way with words.”

Vivian had let loose with a string of whispered obscenities aimed at Merlin. Rather than joining me in being incensed, Morgana stared at her with a look of admiration.

I’m pretty sure that Merlin had endured about all of Vivian’s insults that he could handle, because he chose that moment to kiss me, full on the lips, in front of the entire banquet hall. It was far more forceful than our previous kisses and my mind wandered back to what I had imagined the other night about Merlin being on top of me. It’s possible that I let out a moan.

Which wouldn’t have mattered except that the room had gone silent.

That was Vivian’s breaking point. She stood up and began to yell.

“I am sick to death of men!”

“Vivian, dear, maybe you should…”

Olaf is a formidable warrior-king but the look she gave him shut him up immediately.

“You,” she said, gesturing at Olaf with her spoon, “always kept me on a leash. When I was younger, you wouldn’t let me even meet boys, not that I really wanted to. The point is that I never had the chance. And then we came here years ago and some awful man enchanted me, at the behest of another awful man, so that I would have no choice but chase after Arthur Pendragon, of all the people in the world. Who in their right mind would fall in love with him?! He can wield a sword, but he’s lacking in both body and brains.”

“I’ll have you know that I have been in love with this man for years,” Merlin cut in. “He’s brilliant and beautiful and you’re a fool if you can’t see that.”

His tone was controlled, but it made the back of my neck tingle. I’m still not sure if that was from fear or arousal.

“Oh don’t get me started with you, you homewrecker. You had to go and steal him from me. I don’t even want him – the enchantment forces me to chase him – but if I could have him, at least I might get some relief. But no, I can’t even have that, because you had to come along and seduce him. I have no control over my life, random men are always interfering, and I cannot take it anymore! And as for you, Arthur…”

At that point, Vivian appeared to be out of words to hurl and opted to throw the cutlery instead.

I am a knight of Camelot. I have braved the battlefield many times and survived far worse assaults than a spoon flung in rage. I braced myself for it to hit. At worst, it might leave a bruise.

Except the impact never came. Merlin had stretched out a hand, his eyes were glowing, and the spoon fell midair, clattering to the table.

“You’ve bothered him enough. I’m sorry for your predicament, but this has to end,” he hissed.

The entire room witnessed Merlin performing magic. I think he realized this, because he tried to run. The problem was that I was still holding tightly to his hand, so he pulled me up with him. He might have dragged me along as he fled if it hadn’t been for Morgana. At that same moment, she stood up and knocked us both over as she shoved her chair back.

Merlin fell on top of me and it would be a lie for me to say that I didn’t like it.

“You’re so brave,” Morgana said to Vivian. “And hot.”

They had locked eyes. You could almost feel the connection between them. Vivian got to her feet, took Morgana’s face in her hands, and kissed her almost as passionately as Merlin had kissed me just a few minutes earlier.

As luck would have it, Morgana was Vivian’s one true love and the enchantment was broken. Vivian announced this to the room when she came up for air.

“Arthur, Merlin, I sincerely apologize for my inappropriate behavior these past few days,” she said to us. “I promise you that I will no longer interfere in your courtship. The love you share is beautiful. And anyway, Arthur, you’re really not my type.”

That was it – the solution to my problem. Things were conveniently coming together – almost as if there was some unseen narrator out there trying to neatly tie up loose ends.

I could release Merlin from our betrothal and let him follow his heart.

“Merlin, now that certain things have been revealed, I think…”

He wouldn’t let me finish. He got to his feet and ran off before I could get the words out. Merlin had stuck by me for so many years – why would he run now?

It had to be the magic.

Sometimes as king, it’s a good idea to consult with advisors before making a major policy change. In other instances, immediate executive decisions are warranted.

“I hereby rescind the ban on sorcery. So long as magic isn’t used to cause harm, it’s now legal. Full details will be forthcoming in a few days.”

And with that proclamation, I took off after Merlin. I searched the entire castle, but with no luck. Maybe he knows a spell to disappear. Wherever he is, I hope he’s alright.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

I woke up this morning to the metallic jangling sound of my keys. It wasn’t yet dawn, but Merlin was skulking about next to my bed locking up the nightstand drawer.

“What on Earth are you doing?”

“If I said looking for woodworm, would you believe me?”

“No, probably not.”

“I didn’t think so.”

He had lit a single candle, and though the light was dim, I could see his eyes were red, as though he’d been crying. Suddenly I was very awake.

Without thinking, I got out of bed and hugged him. He had on the same outfit he’d worn at dinner and his neckerchief was damp. I was clad only in my smallclothes, but Merlin didn’t notice or didn’t care, because he slumped against my body. After a minute, he returned the embrace.

I thought everything might be ok when he suddenly made to push me away.

“I’m sorry. I should go. I only meant to return your ring, but I thought I should lock it up for safekeeping, and then…”

“You’re returning the ring? Why?”

“After last night, I figured that you wouldn’t want me to have it anymore. Now that you know about me… And anyway, Vivian’s no longer chasing after you. You’re free now to find the person you actually love.”

He was fighting back tears, which meant that there was at least one person in Camelot who hadn’t figured out my secret.

“What if I already have? Found the one I love, that is. The one I want marry and spend my days with.”

“Then,” his voice shook, “I’m pleased for you. It’s a good thing I brought your ring back so you can give it to her when you propose.”

“Propose?”

“To the person you love. I realize that this might come as a shock to you, but it’s customary to ask for someone’s hand in marriage _before_ shoving a ring on their finger.”

He tried to make his tone light, but it was clear that he was still very upset. Apparently I wasn’t getting through. I needed to be more direct.

“I suppose you’re right,” I agreed, releasing him from the embrace. “Can I please have the ring?”

He looked at me like I’d gone mad, but he retrieved it from the locked drawer where he’d left it. His hand was trembling when he placed it in my own.

“I kept it safe. I know what it means to you. Now if you don’t need anything else, sire, I’ll be…”

“Wait.”

“Arthur, please.”

He stopped walking but was still facing the door. I needed to act fast. There wasn’t time for me to think about my own fears and doubts. Last night when he’d told Vivian that he’d loved me for years, he sounded so sincere…

Gently, I took him by the shoulders and turned him to face me. I tried to give him my warmest smile, before dropping to one knee.

“Merlin of Ealdor,” I said, reaching out a hand to hold his, “I’ve been a fool for so long. I followed other people’s expectations when I should have listened to my heart. It may have taken some unusual circumstances to get me to understand what I’ve felt all these years, but Merlin, I love you. I have for ages, and I can think of no one I would rather spend the rest of my days with. Will you do me the honor of marrying me?”

Instead of appearing pleased, he looked even more anguished than before. He knelt beside me.

“Arthur, I want to say yes, more than anything in the world. But I’ve lied to you for all this time. I didn’t want to, I swear. My magic is meant only for you. But there was the ban and I needed to keep you safe and…”

“Safe from flying tableware?”

“I can’t believe that’s how you found out. There have been so many threats, Arthur, so many close calls. I didn’t tell you because I couldn’t protect you if you banished me or… Anyway, I know you’ll have to do something about the laws I’ve broken…”

“I already have.”

“What? When?”

“Last night after you stormed off. I kind of lifted the ban on magic.”

“You lifted the ban? But…”

“But nothing. My father was a fool, and a cruel one at that. That ban forced Morgana away from her home and you into hiding. It hurt so many innocent people. That’s not the kind of kingdom I want to build. Don’t let my father’s ghost influence your decision. If you don’t want to marry me because you’re not in love with me, I understand, but…”

I didn’t get to finish my sentence because Merlin threw himself at me. It was at this point I learned exactly how it felt to have him on top of me, kissing me with no abandon. All of my fantasies about it from the other night got it wrong – it was far, far better than I had imagined.

The stone floor of my room was cold and hard against my back, but I didn’t care. Merlin was warm and in my arms. He let his hands wander down my body and was toying with the waistband of my smallclothes when I remembered something.

Carefully, I sat up, easing him off of me. He looked confused and a slightly worried. I almost felt bad but there was something that had to be done.

“You never answered my question.”

“Your question?”

“Yes, my forgetful sorcerer, my question. About marriage. To me. And if you will. You said you wanted to say yes, but you never actually did. That leaves me wondering if…”

“Yes, yes, yes. Now can we please get back to…”

“Impatient. Just let me…” I was still holding the ring. I took his hand, and, keeping my eyes fixed on his, slid it on his finger.

“I’ve been watching you wear it for days now. It made me so proud when people saw it and believed you were my intended. Merlin, I know this began as a ruse, but I swear to you that what I feel for you is real.”

He blushed but didn’t look away.

“Now maybe we should move to my bed. It’s cold in the floor.”

I stood, then helped him up.

“You were wearing these clothes last night. I can’t possibly allow you in my bed with them on.”

“Oh.” His face dropped. “I can run and grab a change. Give me a few minutes and I’ll be right back.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Then what… oh! You mean…”

“Yes.”

“That you want me to take off my clothes…”

“Yes.”

“And get in bed with you.”

“Yes. Gods yes.”

He got a bit tangled as he tried to simultaneously untie his neckerchief while taking off his tunic. I had to help, which was the opposite of a problem, and soon he was completely naked.

I wanted to spend more time looking him over but he shivered, so I assumed he was cold. 

“Let’s get you under the blankets,” I said, moving toward the bed.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” His eyes darted to my one remaining garment.

“Oh, yes, well… I thought I could take that off under the covers.”

“That’s not really fair, is it? I mean, I’m standing here completely on display.” He shimmied his hips and I tried not to die on the spot. “But I haven’t gotten to see you.

I will never not be undone when Merlin blushes. It is another of my weaknesses and I must not let my enemies know.

“You’ve seen me naked plenty of times.”

“True, but I tried to avert my eyes. To avoid being affected by what I saw.”

I couldn’t see my own cheeks, but I imagine the shade of red covering them surpassed that of Merlin’s. Still, he had a point.

I shuffled out of my underthings and stood in front of him. For once I was the one trying to avoid eye contact as I awaited Merlin’s assessment.

“Oh Arthur,” he sighed, and then pulled me to the bed.

“I never thought this would actually happen,” he said softly. We were lying under the blankets, facing one another.

“Is it something you want to happen?”

Merlin had seemed enthusiastic up until this point but I wanted to be sure.

“Yes, very much, so long as you want it, too.”

“Then we’re agreed. Now get over here and kiss me.”

It took no time at all for him to reposition us as we had been in the floor, Merlin on top, pressing against me. He started off peppering light kisses across my forehead and cheeks, then, straddling my thighs with his own, he threaded his fingers through my hair and touched his lips to mine.

Being king means that people are looking to me for guidance and direction. I am not one to shirk my responsibilities, but it was a relief, and extremely arousing, to have Merlin take over, as I had always hoped he would.

He used his weight to keep me in place, hands moving from my hair to my arms, pinning my wrists against the bed. Merlin might not be a knight, but he’s surprisingly strong. All the while, he kept kissing me, only briefly retreating now and then so that we could breathe.

I will acknowledge that there was some writhing about, several moans and sighs, and a few “please Merlins” on my part. The sounds I made were less than dignified, but Merlin didn’t seem to care and instead took them as encouragement to continue his efforts.

Eventually, he abandoned my mouth. I missed him as soon as he was gone but then he started trailing kisses down my neck, sucking the skin and gently biting. At first I worried that he might leave a mark until I realized that I wouldn’t mind at all if he did. I tilted my head to give him better access.

I wonder if sorcerers can read minds, because he seemed to know exactly what I wanted, increasing the pressure ever so slightly. Then again, it’s very possible that I begged him to mark me as his own, for everyone to see. I can’t quite remember if I said the words or only thought them.

I felt his fingers wandering downward, his hand between our bodies, tracing over my chest and my stomach and then lower still. He had to stop to catch his breath when his fingers wrapped around my cock.

It was his left hand. I could feel the metal of the ring against my skin. I almost came apart right then and there.

“Can you…”

“What do you need?”

His voice was so soft and tender - I had to calm my breathing before I could reply.

“It’s too dark to see.”

He whispered words I couldn’t make out and the candles came to life.

“Better?”

He sat up so his body wouldn’t obscure my view. I couldn’t stop staring at his fingers – so long and slender – holding me, candlelight reflecting off the metal band.

The sound I made was unintelligible and he laughed softly.

“I don’t think you’re going to last much longer. So maybe I should…”

He shifted so that he could grip us both.

Of course I wasn’t going to last much longer. Merlin was in my bed, happily naked and on top of me, his cock against mine, held by his hand wearing the engagement ring I’d given to him.

“Alright?”

A whimper was the only reply I was capable of.

He began to move, slowly at first, then increasing the pace. I wanted to thrust up against him but the pressure of his hips kept me still. All I could do was lie back and let Merlin work us both.

“I should… You shouldn’t have to… I’m not doing enough for you.”

“Oh, Arthur. You’re always taking care of others – your people, the knights, me. Tonight let me take care of you.”

The pace of his wrist, the loving tone… it was too much. I couldn’t hold back. I’m pretty sure I gasped his name as my release spilled over us. It took him a few more strokes, but he followed soon after, whispering love confessions as he came.

I know that Camelot is supposed to be my first priority, but I will burn the world if anyone harms the man I love.

After a moment, he slid off and lay beside me on the mattress. He gave me a shy smile.

“Was that…?”

“Oh yes. And for you?”

“Perfect. Though things are somewhat sticky now.”

“I’m sure an enterprising sorcerer can think of a way to deal with the situation.”

A few whispered words were all it took to deal with the mess and the candles.

“I do still have one question,” I said as Merlin curled around me. “Since Guinevere isn’t my true love, how did her kiss break the enchantment that made me pursue Vivian?”

“About that… That day you were fighting Olaf, Gwen was kissing you when someone came looking for her. Your father was still alive and she didn’t want anyone to see, so she stepped out of the tent for just a second and… I kissed you while she was gone. There had been no change and I was desperate and part of me hoped that I would be the one to pull you out of your stupor. And then she came back and I told her to try again… and then you woke up to Gwen.”

I thought about this.

“I’m glad it was you. And I’m sorry if I hurt you all those years I tried to court Guinevere.”

“It’s fine. I just wanted to be close to you. And for you to be happy.”

“Well I am. Because you are. Now let’s get some sleep. I have plans for you once you’re rested.”

We had almost drifted off when there was a knock.

“Ignore it,” I told Merlin. “I have no intention of letting you leave this bed today.”

The knocking continued

“Go away,” I yelled at whoever it was.

“You’re still in bed, aren’t you?” Morgana’s voice called back. “I should’ve known you couldn’t get up on your own. Make yourself decent, I’m coming in.”

“Morgana, no…”

But it was too late – she had already entered the room. (As a side note, I need to ask Merlin about magic-proof locks. Especially if Morgana stays in Camelot.) Fortunately Merlin and I were mostly concealed by the blankets so she couldn’t see much, but it was clear that she knew what we’d been up to. Why does she always have to smirk like that?

“You do know you’re supposed to do that _after _the wedding? Not that I’m one to judge after how I spent my night. Still, they say it’s bad luck to see your intended before the ceremony.”

“Ceremony?”

“Yes, Arthur, your wedding ceremony. Which is scheduled to take place one hour from now. Everyone’s been rushing around trying to get things ready. I even left Vivian to make sure you were awake and dressed. It’s a good thing I did. Hello, Merlin.”

“Hi, Morgana.”

“Come on. Up you both get. Don’t worry, I promise not to look. Merlin, go see to your own clothes. I’ll help Arthur.”

Morgana noticed that we hadn’t yet moved.

“The wedding is still on, isn’t it?”

“Give us a minute,” I told her.

She didn’t leave the room but instead started perusing my books. She was interested in one in particular and… I think she read my journal. That witch!

“Do you want to?” I asked Merlin.

“Do you?”

“I asked first.”

“I…”

“It’s ok to say no. I understand if you need more time for a proper courtship. I could even hold a celebratory tournament and…”

“What I was going to say is that I would love to marry you today. If that’s something that would you would like as well.”

“Merlin of Ealdor, I can think of nothing I want more.”

He had pulled me in for another round of kissing when Morgana cleared her throat.

“Ahem. Isn’t there something you’re both meant to be doing? And I don’t mean that.”

So then Merlin had to leave and Morgana helped me find something suitable to wear because I’m horrible at coordinating outfits. Honestly, I’m not sure about her abilities in that regard as she refused to let me wear my armor.

“Sweet Triple Goddess, give me strength,” she muttered when I argued with her, “it’s a wedding, not a war.”

She shuffled me into a white tunic, which I didn’t think was formal enough, but she assured me that it was tradition to wear white to a wedding.

“It will be fine. No one needs to know that your groom debauched you the night before.”

She relented on the red cloak.

“It suits you.”

After she fastened the clasp, she gave me a smile and a big hug. Sisters are maddening, but I’m glad that I have one.

“I missed you,” I said, because it was true. “I know you have your life at the monastery, but maybe you could stay, at least for a while.”

“Arthur, I’d love to.”

And with that, she took my arm and led me to the throne room.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

It pains me to admit that most of the wedding passed in a blur. Geoffrey said some words. Morgana said some words. Hopefully I didn’t agree to give away half the kingdom or anything because all I could focus on were Merlin’s eyes. I’ve known him for over a decade now, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen his eyes shine so brightly.

Eventually we made it through all of the words that needed to be said. Morgana gave me a discreet shove when it was my turn to speak. As I mentioned, I might have been lost in Merlin’s eyes.

When I said that I promised to love Merlin with all my heart for the rest of my days, his blue eyes turned golden and flower petals rained down on us.

Then Merlin promised the same and gave me a ring. It was carved from wood and had tiny dragons etched into it.

“My father gave it to my mother,” he told me later on. “He had to leave before they could get married. I enchanted it to fit you.”

I was glad we’d spent so much time practicing kisses over the past week. That way we were ready when Morgana said we should seal our bond with a kiss. Geoffrey must have expected something more chaste, because George had to fetch him a chair and a goblet of water.

The knights whistled and rated our performance. I’m pleased to report we received high marks before Leon silenced them.

Eventually we had to be nudged apart so that we could greet everyone and then attend yet another celebratory feast.

It would be a lie to say that there were no tears when I saw how much effort had been put into decorating the banquet hall, flowers and garlands all around, Guinevere beaming at me through tired eyes. So many people had spent the night creating a thing of beauty for Merlin and me… I have never felt as loved in my entire life as I did in that moment.

Olaf and Vivian were first in line to offer their congratulations. Now that the enchantment was broken and his daughter had no interest in me, relations with Olaf were back to cordial.

“If you don’t mind, Arthur, I think I might stay in Camelot after my father heads home. I would like to get to know your sister. And take some time to sort out my life.”

I gave my assent and Vivian shuffled off to find Morgana. They disappeared soon after. As Morgana is my sister, I refuse to theorize what they might have been doing.

Hunith was there and wouldn’t stop hugging me. Gaius had sent for her ages ago when Merlin and I first started our then-fake engagement. It turns out he had suspected that it might be more real that I was willing to admit.

“I’m thrilled to have another son,” she whispered as she hugged me for the thirty-seventh time.

Merlin says that I still need to meet Kilgharrah and Aithusa. Their names are strange. Maybe those are his cousins from Ealdor.

“I don’t have the words to thank you,” I told Guinevere when I finally extracted myself from Hunith’s arms. “For everything. Honestly, if you hadn’t dumped me and given me that journal… imagine if we’d gotten married.”

“Please don’t take this the wrong way, Arthur, but I’d rather not.”

Then Leon came and wrapped an arm around her shoulders – she smiled at him so tenderly… maybe we should leave the wedding decorations up for the time being. I imagine there will be another engagement announced shortly.

Guinevere is very wise. And incredibly strategic. I wonder if I could name her queen even though we’re not married. As Merlin has said on more than one occasion, I am “the sodding king,” so I don’t see why not. If she and Leon have children, that would solve the problem of an heir.

I’ll have to check in with her about it later. If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the past few weeks, it’s that I really should ask people before making major life decisions on their behalf.

But now it’s time to stop writing. Merlin just got back from walking Hunith to her chambers.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

It’s right before dawn and Merlin is still asleep. I’m trying my best not to wake him as he really needs to rest. He didn’t get any sleep before our wedding and he was exhausted when we finally made it to bed.

Which means that for anyone looking for juicy details about our wedding night, well, there isn’t much to share. (Not that it would be any of your business if there was.)

I helped him out of his clothes and under the blankets. Parts of him were limp with exhaustion, so I tucked him against me, my chest to his back, and made to fall asleep. It was when I wrapped an arm around him that I realized not all parts of him were as limp as I’d originally thought.

So, being a good husband, I lent him a hand, as it were. Of course solving Merlin’s predicament left me with a similar problem.

“Let me make you happy,” he said as he reached for me. It was his left hand, the one with the ring.

“You already do,” I said, “and anyway, you need to sleep.”

“But what about…?”

“I’ll take care of it.”

He started to protest, but he was so tired he was slurring his words.

“Tell you what,” I said, “tonight you can hold my hand while I tend to things and then tomorrow we can…”

I whispered some words meant for Merlin’s ears only. He agreed that my plan was a good one. I admit that I’m growing a bit impatient waiting for him to wake up, now that I think about it.

In a little while I’ll sneak off to the kitchens and find us some breakfast. It’s only fitting after all the years that he’s done that for me. We’ll eat and talk and laugh. And then there will be lots of kisses and caresses and some other things, too.

But right now, in the stillness of the morning, I just want to watch him sleep and marvel at the fact that he’s in my bed, wearing my ring.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/


End file.
